Weird and Wild Sports Updates from Around the World (feat. Bob Menery) – Lights Out with David Spade

Weird and Wild Sports Updates from Around the World (feat. Bob Menery) – Lights Out with David Spade


By the way, the NFL
players aren’t the only ones– back on the prompter–
making news. Let’s take a look
at some lesser-known athletes around the world. Lights Out sports update, guys. -Whoa! -Ladies and gentlemen,
Bob Mowry here. Welcome to the Lights Out
Sports Update. Taking a look around the world to find the finest examples
of raw athleticism and some of the most intense
competition on planet Earth. We begin tonight
in the Caribbean, a truly beautiful place
to be kidnapped. Well, it’s fun in the sun
as we cruise at Saint Thomas, and it’s time
for the belly-flop competition. This year they’ve got
this huge monitor up so people can watch the action while they’re taking shits,
literally, off the side
of the (bleep) boat. And our first contestant,
boy, he’s white as (bleep). Looks like he’s never taken
his shirt off before. And who the (bleep)
can blame him? Throw that whale
back in the water. And he dives in for a real pathetic
(bleep) flop. Looks like he tried to break
the fall with his arms. What a (bleep) pussy. Hey, Pillsbury,
go get your (bleep) doughboy. Next up, we’re sent to Omaha
and check in on the World Series
of Not Having any Friends. There we got a little
ping-pong, party of one. Tonight’s game is brought
to you by Greg’s divorce, proud sponsor of killing time
while you wait to die. Oh! My gosh! And he is down. He just got titty-(bleep) right
in the soft part of his skull by the long dick of gravity. And the winner
for the fifth year in a row is the ping-pong table. Well, next up, let’s go see
what they’re doing in India besides taking
five goddamn hours to tell me how to get back
into my (bleep) e-mail account. And get a load of Sanji. Jesus. Just cracking the shit
out of these coconuts like he’s making piña coladas. He’s set for life if they
ever open up a Señor Frog’s in Bangladesh. And, Spade, a quick update. I’m being told these women
attempted to drive, and it was this
or pay a seven dollar fine. And finally, yodel-lay-hee-haw,
(bleep)-eroos. Let’s hit the slopes in Zurich. And we’re coming to you live from the inside
of Charlie Sheen’s nose, where these two are
in a high-speed pursuit to track down the polar bear
that (bleep) their wives. Oh! Holy mother of nut sacks! They are down. And here comes help… Nope. That dude doesn’t give
a half a (bleep). He’s in a hurry to get down
to Dumb Orange Pants R Us or whatever
its (bleep) name is. Well, that’s it for
the Lights Out Sports Update. I’m Bob Mowry. Back to you
in the studio, Dave. -(cheering, applause)
-Loved it. Thanks, Bob. Oh, boy.

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