Target is for Champions | Shayne Smith | Dry Bar Comedy

Target is for Champions | Shayne Smith | Dry Bar Comedy



I uh not good with people saw lady recently crying in the middle of the aisle at Target just in the middle of ugly crying hard crying okay and I was like oh no I should do something so I'm in target I get myself ready she's crying so hard I go right up to her and I'm like excuse me ma'am I think you mean to be in Walmart right now so nailed that interaction yeah how about how about don't cry and target Karen okay I'm not paying an extra 15 cents for macaroni and cheese to see you cry target is for Champions okay ridiculous oh so bad so so bad my friends are so dumb I know a lot of dumb people it's a lot of dumb people look at my neighborhood this is the thing that happened to me recently I'm walking around I see all these people gather on a tree they're all like around this tree I'm like what is this and I walk up and they're like they're all standing there and I see one guy and he goes hey man there's a cat stuck up on the top of this tree look at you with all your tattoos you're not afraid of anything why don't you climb up and get it down oh that's not how tattoos work guy okay yeah yeah you don't catch you the fear out of people that's not a thing that's never been a thing no one's like getting a tattoo and the tattoo artists is like how does it feel and the guys like oh it hurts real bad but I don't care about sharks anymore you know silly cats probably still up there I don't know you know it's ridiculous I'm afraid of tons of stuff so many things you know spiders very top of the list of things I'm afraid of right can I get some backup spiders are scary thank you my idiot friends they're like hey man why are you afraid of spiders you're 90% more likely to be killed by a vending machine than a spider like what are you talking about right now I'm not afraid of spiders cuz I think they're gonna kill me they're creepy I don't want them on me or near me you know you're so dumb you know what I'll be worried about vending machines the way I'm worried about spiders when vending machines start using spiders tactics okay when I open my shower curtain to take a shower and there's a vending machine inside waiting the tip over on top of me I'll start worrying about it alright when I'm like playing video games and I have to tell my friend to look out cuz a vending machine is descending above him on a web you know then we'll start worrying you imagine it crushes him the paramedics come and they're like we're sorry we couldn't save him we're so so sorry for your loss Doritos like no man so dumb ninety percent more likely like what no one ever that doesn't make sense why how are you drawing that parallel no one ever got killed by a spider cuz they bought a Butterfinger from it and it wouldn't give it up you know that's never happened how about this statistic 100% of people killed by vending machines are morons how about that you know I'm always I've been telling that joke for a while and I'm always afraid I'm gonna tell that joke one time and there's gonna be one person in the audience who's like my husband was crushed by a vending machine now I'm gonna be like oh no but it was pretty funny though right subscribe to drive our comedy for even more of the world's largest collection of clean comedy

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